By Ciera Lloyd
We found out my grandmother was going to die of cancer in July 2017. At first, I thought I did not have the right to be sad; I had lived my life in North Carolina, and she led hers in Ohio, except for the year my parents divorced—then, I lived in her basement. Still, I thought I did not have as much of a right to be sad as my cousins who lived in Ohio. She died in October 2019–while I was several months into a hospital stay to receive treatment for anorexia–and I never saw her again. She texted me: “You are one of my most precious jewels! I am so glad God gave us you! (And your cousins.) But you will always be the baby I got to spend over six weeks with. Such a powerful bonding. My NC baby all grown up! Love you with all my heart and soul!!!” And I think this sums up my grandmother, Barbara Ricciuti Beebe, the woman who loved all, and would put others first, even in the midst of her battle with death. I hope to honor her with this true, homemade, family recipe. I hope if you ever have to create it as well, you are able to remember the good in the bad.
Ingredients:
· 7 grandchildren
· 7 dogs
· 4 children
· 3 significant others
· 3 cats
· 1 husband
· 1 home in Ohio
· 1 Catholic church
Method:
1. Gather the first six ingredients and place them in the home. This is the house they have used for every Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and birthday celebration. It is the last place the grandmother took a breath, where two of the children, five of the animals, and the husband held her hands when she left the world.
2. Decide who will read the two eulogies. One, written by a grandchild. The other, written by a child. There are seven grandchildren, and two can split up the eulogy written by the grandchild. Another two can read the grandmother’s favorite Bible passages. None of the children want to read; the other eulogy can be given to a close family friend.
3. Implement sleeping arrangements. Two beds in the basement, four recliners, one couch in the living room, an air mattress. These next two ingredients are optional, but the next-door
neighbors, who took the grandmother to chemotherapy treatments and cooked food for her and kept her smiling, offer their extra beds for family members. Let things rest.
4. On the next day, the day of the funeral, ensure that things are up and running by 7:30 a.m. sharp. Do not worry about placing makeup on any of the ingredients—it will only come off later.
5. Gather everything but the dogs and cats in the Catholic church. Seat everyone in the first three pews; it does not matter where they sit, only that the husband is nearly trapped by love from the family.
6. It does not matter if hands shake while they hold Bibles and they cannot get out the words of prayers and songs. It is okay if they cannot look at anything but the ground or make noises besides sniffles and clearing their throats. Allow tears to come forth as the service continues, but wipe them off when the grandchildren go up to read one of the eulogies.
7. Hold everyone close together once the service is over, because this is the final time they will all be in the same place like this again.