No more work for regular pay. So follow
your passions, the HR staff say.
Every extra hour you live is a bonus,
an exceptional perk . . . Rejoice in each day!

A pink slip should not cause you blood pressure ills.
If retirement early seems like more stress,
take CBD pills with a glass of wine or a pint of beer.
Tell your family you’ve retired as a howling success!

Think of it! No more Friday scramble to write
the Op. Ed. No rush to drum up that new headline
for breaking news. No last-minute run-around
to change hype when the wrong team wins.

Running the home, HR vows, gives new purpose.
No chasing your tail. Think how opening the mail,
paying the bills, turning compost to loam,
will ensure your mind keeps its focus.

And meditate. Do aerobics. Eat veggie organics.
To build up the mass in your muscles
eat sardines and salmon. But make sure
you shun the red meats and the gammon.

Social contact, research shows, is good for the soul.
So avoid isolation. Join others to learn a new lingo
or get into Facebook and Twitter. Stay on a roll
in a book club, start a blog, or a softball team.

Care for yourself first and foremost. Of course!
But don’t neglect to give back to others. Play host
to young single mothers or, if that’s a challenge,
you guys, how about first-time offenders?

But think of it! We’ll have no more scramble on Friday
to write the Op. Ed. No rush to drum up a new headline
for breaking news. No last-minute run-around
to change the score when the wrong team wins.

And what if some of us need a good wage? Don’t feel our age?
Still enjoy the adrenalin spike, the midnight deadline,
the rush to the old printing press—
the only one still left in town.